At college i met lots of new people. I was glad they didn´t know who I am, and what was better, who I was. I had done terrible things. So terrible that i led my mom to tears. What´s worse than seeing your own mom crying and saying she doesn´t recognise me, because I´m whoever but not her son? Yes, this really happened. Anyway, I am different now, I hope I am.
From those dozens of schoolmates I selected only four. There were lots of personalities among those people, but only these four were not playing the game "the master of assholes". By that game I mean I met people who were acting like they are something more than you, like they belong somewhere else, somewhere higher in social ladder.
We formed a small group of five friends. They are really nice, kind and helpfull guys. I was really happy i found friends like them. Two pals, two lads... Yeah, lads. And there I started struggling. One of those girls was HER. That marvelous girl I met first day of college. She was more perfect than I thought. Sometimes I was sure she was sent here from above. She had no cons. Maybe you are asking why I got anxious. Neither them nor she knew my little secret. My little secret containing a monster caged in my soul, which I couldn´t control directly.
Of course we have just met so we were getting to know who we are. One day, after all classes were over, she asked me to go with her to cafe. Hell yeah, I agreed. Full of enthusiasm, that it will be only me and her for a while, something unexpected happend. She knew...
She knew, that something bothers me. I assured her it´s nothing. What should have I told her, that I hurt everyone around me? And what was worse, I haven´t regret it that time and sought more sorrow. If I told her the truth, she wouldn´t speak a single word to me for the rest of my poor life. It has found me, my past.
For the rest of a day I felt like clam without its pearl. Empty. Another sleepless night.
How long I will be able to play this game? I condemned all those people for being someone else and now I was someone else. I don´t even deserve her presence.
The first stain appeared on a clear sheet...
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narazuvzdornaa
4. 10.októbra 2015 01:03
Budem zla, ale mas tam dost chyb, no.
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