I suffer more and more as the days pass.. I don’t think I realised the full extent of everything that had happened since August and the person I have become until now. I am unstable. I am a slut who cannot say no. I am failure of a mother who cannot keep a baby. The baby is gone.

I have this huge hole in me and I don’t know how to fill it. What to fill it with. I am weak and barely making it through days. I thought I would never think about it but I do. I think about ending this every single day- slitting wrists, taking pills, jumping in front of a car... I am here but I am not here at the same time. I am grieving. 

The good old days, the best days, the awkward days, the unsure days, the shocked days, the happiest days, the saddest days… The wheel turns and turns and doesn’t make sense until one gets out. How does one do that?

Human life is precious, they say. Remember it and make the most of it, they say. Easier said than done. Another day passed. Another meaningless day. This is blasphemy. What to do now? Tell me when you find out. See? I am optimistic. Having done your “duty”, you can now go and carry on living your life. Don’t mind me. I will be okay eventually. I always am.

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fotka
11  21. 11. 2019 16:05
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