Staré tety zvykli chodiť za mnou pri svadbách, šťuchajúc ma do rebier a chichotajúc sa mi vravievali:”Ty budeš nasledujúca...”Prestali po tom, čo som im
začala robiť to isté pri pohreboch...
Poznám z redditu. Je to pomerne dlhé, ale stojí to za to.
A trucker is driving through the mountains, heading through the winding dangerous passes nearly a mile above sea level. He's tired though and as he's coming around a curve, he doesn't realize that he's drifted into the left lane until he sees an oncoming RV, half of which is directly in front of him.
There's no way to escape the wreck, and the two hit head on. Everything goes to slow motion. He watches the rear end of the vehicle both accordion towards the front and rise into the air, enslaved by inertia. He watches in horror as a little girl who can't be more than 7 or 8 years old is hurled through the windshield of the RV and onto the hood of his truck; she had a puppy in her lap before the crash and she's still hanging onto it as she flies through the air. Looking through the shattered glass, he can see at least four or five people in the back of the RV, bodies limply flailing.
The family's RV is a big vehicle, but it's simply no match for the weight of the fully loaded semi and it's thrown towards the edge of the mountain where it catches on a guard rail, hanging precipitously over the steep slope. The trucker manages to stop a few feet away with the little girl still laying crumpled on the hood of his cab. He sees her eyes flutter open as he gets out to check on the family, and she starts to sit up.
A door on the side of the RV flies open and a man climbs out onto the vehicle, which is now almost completely over the edge. He reaches down and grabs someone's arm to help them out. The trucker can see that it's the man's wife as her head pokes out of the door, and he can see that she's visibly relieved when she sees that her daughter is still alive.
Suddenly, there's a horrendous sound of tearing metal as the guard rail rips itself out of the ground. Both the father and mother look at the child as if to say goodbye, and the RV tumbles down the side of the mountain. Both the trucker and child watch as it rolls more than a thousand feet. Along the way, a propane tank explodes, which sends the gas tank up as well. The ensuing fireball is big enough that they both feel heat from it.
The girl, silent this whole time, finally screams. For a while, it's a wordless, primal shriek which fades into sobs. The trucker puts his arms around her and she cries into his chest.
"My mom and dad," she says. "My dad's parents were with us too, and my mom's sister was with us. She was pregnant with my first cousin. And now they're all gone." Strangely, saying it out loud seems to calm her somewhat.
The puppy she's been cradling in her lap this entire time lets out a small whimper. It's a Corgi, and he has a bone-shaped name tag on. The trucker sees that his name is Baron von Woofington, and also that the dog's back is catastrophically broken. He licks the girl's hand and lets out one final weak bark, and then dies.
This sends the girl into another wave of shrieking sobs. The trucker pulls her closer into his arms.
"Man, you are just having the WORST day, aren't you?" he says as he unzips his pants.
Dvaja starčekovia sedia na lavičke v parku a kŕmia kačičky, a vtom jeden povie: "Vieš ty čo? Ja sa už cítim ako také malé bábätko. Chodím doma po štyroch, nosím protézu, dokonca aj umelý chrup." A pointa je v tom, že príde holub a osere mu jeho nové biele sako!!
Serus Janku, jak idze šoferovane
tvojej dzivke?
- Jak blesku!
Tak dobre?
-Aaale...raz do stromu, raz do
stlupu...
Manželský pár, obaja okolo 60 rokov, oslavujú svoje 35. výročie svadby v
malebnej tichej romantickej reštaurácii :
Náhle sa na ich stole objaví drobunká krásna víla a hovorí:
"Pretože ste boli vzorný manželský pár a pretože ste celú dobu jeden druhého milovali, splním každému z vás jedno prianie.
"Žena zamilovane povie:
... ... "Ja chcem cestovať po svete so svojim milovaným manželom."
Víla mávla svojou kúzelnou paličkou a paf! V ruke sa jej objavili dva lístky
na Queen Marry II.
Muž sa na chvíľu zamyslel a povedal:
"Toto všetko je samozrejme veľmi romantické, ale príležitosť ako táto už
nikdy nepríde. Je mi ľúto láska, ale mojim prianím je mať ženu o 30 rokov mladšiu než som ja."
Žena, i víla, boli hlboko sklamané, ale prianie je prianie.
Víla teda mávla svojou kúzelnou paličkou a - paf!¨ Manžel mal naraz 92
rokov!
Morálne ponaučenie:
Muži by nemali zabúdať, že víly sú ženského rodu....
Manželka sa v noci prebudila a zistila, že jej muž nie je vedľa nej v posteli.
Obliekla sa a zišla dolu po schodoch. Muž sedel v kuchyni pri stole so šálkou kávy. Zdal sa byť v hlbokej depresii, len zízal do steny. Odchlipol si z kávy a vtom žena zbadala, ako si utiera slzu z oka.
- Čo sa deje, miláčik? Prečo si hore v túto nočnú hodinu?
- Pamätáš sa, keď sme mali pred 20 rokmi rande a ty si mala len 16?
- Áno, pamätám sa.
- A pamätáš sa, ako nás Tvoj otec prichytil pri milovaní na zadnom sedadle môjho auta?
- Áno, pamätám.
- A spomínaš si, ako mi dal Tvoj otec po pysku a povedal: “Buď si vezmeš moju dcéru alebo stráviš najbližších 20 rokov v base!”?
- Áno, spomínam si miláčik.
No a dnes by ma z basy pustili.
Roleta je špeciálny inkognito mód, ktorým skryješ obsah obrazovky pred samým sebou, alebo inou osobou v tvojej izbe (napr. mama). Roletu odroluješ tak, že na ňu klikneš.
9 komentov
to ma byt vtipne?
začala robiť to isté pri pohreboch...
toto je aspoň vtip
A trucker is driving through the mountains, heading through the winding dangerous passes nearly a mile above sea level. He's tired though and as he's coming around a curve, he doesn't realize that he's drifted into the left lane until he sees an oncoming RV, half of which is directly in front of him.
There's no way to escape the wreck, and the two hit head on. Everything goes to slow motion. He watches the rear end of the vehicle both accordion towards the front and rise into the air, enslaved by inertia. He watches in horror as a little girl who can't be more than 7 or 8 years old is hurled through the windshield of the RV and onto the hood of his truck; she had a puppy in her lap before the crash and she's still hanging onto it as she flies through the air. Looking through the shattered glass, he can see at least four or five people in the back of the RV, bodies limply flailing.
The family's RV is a big vehicle, but it's simply no match for the weight of the fully loaded semi and it's thrown towards the edge of the mountain where it catches on a guard rail, hanging precipitously over the steep slope. The trucker manages to stop a few feet away with the little girl still laying crumpled on the hood of his cab. He sees her eyes flutter open as he gets out to check on the family, and she starts to sit up.
A door on the side of the RV flies open and a man climbs out onto the vehicle, which is now almost completely over the edge. He reaches down and grabs someone's arm to help them out. The trucker can see that it's the man's wife as her head pokes out of the door, and he can see that she's visibly relieved when she sees that her daughter is still alive.
Suddenly, there's a horrendous sound of tearing metal as the guard rail rips itself out of the ground. Both the father and mother look at the child as if to say goodbye, and the RV tumbles down the side of the mountain. Both the trucker and child watch as it rolls more than a thousand feet. Along the way, a propane tank explodes, which sends the gas tank up as well. The ensuing fireball is big enough that they both feel heat from it.
The girl, silent this whole time, finally screams. For a while, it's a wordless, primal shriek which fades into sobs. The trucker puts his arms around her and she cries into his chest.
"My mom and dad," she says. "My dad's parents were with us too, and my mom's sister was with us. She was pregnant with my first cousin. And now they're all gone." Strangely, saying it out loud seems to calm her somewhat.
The puppy she's been cradling in her lap this entire time lets out a small whimper. It's a Corgi, and he has a bone-shaped name tag on. The trucker sees that his name is Baron von Woofington, and also that the dog's back is catastrophically broken. He licks the girl's hand and lets out one final weak bark, and then dies.
This sends the girl into another wave of shrieking sobs. The trucker pulls her closer into his arms.
"Man, you are just having the WORST day, aren't you?" he says as he unzips his pants.
tvojej dzivke?
- Jak blesku!
Tak dobre?
-Aaale...raz do stromu, raz do
stlupu...
Manželský pár, obaja okolo 60 rokov, oslavujú svoje 35. výročie svadby v
malebnej tichej romantickej reštaurácii :
Náhle sa na ich stole objaví drobunká krásna víla a hovorí:
"Pretože ste boli vzorný manželský pár a pretože ste celú dobu jeden druhého milovali, splním každému z vás jedno prianie.
"Žena zamilovane povie:
... ... "Ja chcem cestovať po svete so svojim milovaným manželom."
Víla mávla svojou kúzelnou paličkou a paf! V ruke sa jej objavili dva lístky
na Queen Marry II.
Muž sa na chvíľu zamyslel a povedal:
"Toto všetko je samozrejme veľmi romantické, ale príležitosť ako táto už
nikdy nepríde. Je mi ľúto láska, ale mojim prianím je mať ženu o 30 rokov mladšiu než som ja."
Žena, i víla, boli hlboko sklamané, ale prianie je prianie.
Víla teda mávla svojou kúzelnou paličkou a - paf!¨ Manžel mal naraz 92
rokov!
Morálne ponaučenie:
Muži by nemali zabúdať, že víly sú ženského rodu....
Obliekla sa a zišla dolu po schodoch. Muž sedel v kuchyni pri stole so šálkou kávy. Zdal sa byť v hlbokej depresii, len zízal do steny. Odchlipol si z kávy a vtom žena zbadala, ako si utiera slzu z oka.
- Čo sa deje, miláčik? Prečo si hore v túto nočnú hodinu?
- Pamätáš sa, keď sme mali pred 20 rokmi rande a ty si mala len 16?
- Áno, pamätám sa.
- A pamätáš sa, ako nás Tvoj otec prichytil pri milovaní na zadnom sedadle môjho auta?
- Áno, pamätám.
- A spomínaš si, ako mi dal Tvoj otec po pysku a povedal: “Buď si vezmeš moju dcéru alebo stráviš najbližších 20 rokov v base!”?
- Áno, spomínam si miláčik.
No a dnes by ma z basy pustili.