I don’t know. I don’t know at all. What am I supposed to do? Should I just “stay aside” and let it go? Let it develop in any kind of way? No influence at all? Or should I try hard to do my best? Try hard to change my “destined” way? Or is there a destiny at all?

My wish is to look to the future and see my older me – to ask myself for help, for advice of what to do? I am so confused like never ever before. I stay here – maybe alone, maybe not, but definitely without so precious knowledge of what I desperately desire for.

I am looking through the windows, thinking of my confusion. Those trees look so sad. Alone. Without their leaves. I feel the same. And so confused. I try to continue pretending as if nothing came to my mind. Sometimes it’s very hard. Very difficult to pretend. I think I am so different from others in my age. My thinking… I cannot share it with anyone. And so I feel too empty. There’s definitely something missing inside me…




... to be continued...

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