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Mudrosti zozbierane mojim pohybom po nete.. Odporucam veeeeeelmi ovladat anglictinu a IQ v trojcifernych hodnotach inac citate zbytocne

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Give a monkey a brain and he'll swear he's the center of the universe.

Atheists are people who have no invisible means of support

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Tongue-tied and twisted, just an earthbound misfit, I.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it binds the universe together.

I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables!

Do it, or you'll be fishing yak cheese from your nostrils!

It's not that life is too short, it's that death is too long.

All men have the right to dig their own graves, and I have the right to sell them the shovels.

Evolution doesn't take prisoners.

Anarchy -- it's not the law, it's just a good idea.

We are sorry, you have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone ninety degrees and try again.

Never judge a man till you have walked a mile in his shoes, 'cuz by then, he's a mile away, you've got his shoes, and you can say whatever the hell you want to.

Take the skin and peel it back... now doesn't it make you feel better?

If you have to ask, you're not allowed to know.

When the naive man admits his naivete, he is no longer naive. Thus, all people are regarded by society as either ignorant or a liar.

You're so hardcore, you're punk rock.

The rain, it raineth on the Just and the Unjust fella. But chiefly on the Just because the Unjust steals the Just's umbrella.

I call her Attila, 'cuz she's my Hun...

You mean you need drugs to hallucinate?

All suspects are innocent until proven Discordian in a Court of Chaos.

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.

"How many tentacles has Great Cthulhu got?" "Too many."

We are all Children of Cthulhu -- especially the ones with lots of tentacles.

There are three magical words that make everyone feel happy... 'no compilation errors'.

Proletarian revolutions are notably ineffective when the ruling class is composed of gods.

For every new foolproof invention there is a new and improved fool.

Take thee this thing covered with that stuff and give it unto that guy, that he may do things with it.

Oh, fuck! You did it just like i told you to!

You know it's a bad morning when you get up out of bed and miss the floor.

Any given program, when running, needs debugging. Any debugged program is obsolete.

The most useful tool for dealing with management types is, of course, an automatic weapon.

Think "HONK" if you're a telepath!

Do not call up that which you cannot put on hold.

You wouldn't be so smug if you really knew what was going on.

"But we'll never survive!" "Nonsense. You're only saying that because no one ever has."

Could I interest you in a pet rock?

Are we there yet, Papa Smurf?

If at first you don't succeed, try following the instructions.

I used to be self-actualized, now I'm just confused.

Freedom is just a hallucination created by a pathological lack of paranoia.

Boxing is a lot like ballet, except that they don't dance, there isn't any music, and they hit each other.

If it weren't for lawyers, I think we could have invented a universal symbolic representation of reality.

There are two major products that come out of Berkeley; LSD and BSD Unix. We don't believe this to be a coincidence.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if everyone renounced violence forever? I could then conquer the whole stupid planet with just a butter knife.

Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence.

I am always right. Except when I'm left, or bluffing.

Okay, everybody in this room who's telekinetic, raise my hand.

The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Hey, go buy a plane ticket to another state of mind, okay?

Futility is futile.

If it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, and quacks like a duck it is probably just a tool of the conspiracy.

There's nothing wrong with you a shotgun blast to the face couldn't fix.

You see, without that little doohicky, the universe stops.

I never remember a face, but I always forget a name.

What do you want me to do, learn to stutter?

This is precisely the sort of thing that people who like this sort of thing will like.

I intend to live forever or die trying.

Dying can be hazardous to your health.

My question is simply this: Are you menstruating?

Sarcasm helps you avoid telling people what you really think of them.

Change your mind, it's starting to smell.

I'm not as think as you stoned I am.

I don't have a drinking problem... I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem.

To err is human; to forgive is not company policy.

Censorship? We don't have any censorship here. If we did, I couldn't say ---- or ------ ------!

The problem with troubleshooting is that real trouble shoots back.

Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.

That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.

When in doubt, fuck it. When not in doubt... get in doubt!

It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up.

I may have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them.

Today is an excellent day to become a missing person.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

Monday is an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life.

Bullshit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful.

If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.

If vegetarians eat vegetables, I guess that makes me a humanitarian.

Strike any user to continue.

Any technology distinguishable from magic is insufficiently advanced.

The first step to a person's heart is to confuse the fuck out of 'em.

Don't force it, use a bigger hammer.

Due to circumstances within our control, tomorrow will be cancelled.

Dare to be stupid.

Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

You took my breath away and now I want it back.

That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all.

'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds.

Do not merely believe in miracles, rely on them.

If Goddess had intended humans to smoke, She would have set them on fire.

I haven't lost my mind; it's back up on tape somewhere.

Fine, DON'T have a nice day, see if I care.

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

I prefer to think of them as the Ten Suggestions.

I like work; it fascinates me; I can sit and look at it for hours.

Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose.

Paranoia doesn't mean the whole world really isn't out to get you.

All great ideas are controversial, or have been at one time.

To criticize the incompetent is easy; to criticize the competent is difficult.

As long as the answer is right, who cares if the question is wrong?

Wonders never cease, as long as you never cease to wonder.

We come in peace... shoot to kill...

I've seen the future and I leave it all behind

The early worm gets the bird.

Mate, this parrot wouldn't VOOM if you put four million volts through it!

If you hit a man over the head with a fish, he'll have a headache for a day. But if you teach a man to hit himself over the head with a fish, he'll have headaches for the rest of his life.

Ignorance can be cured -- but stupid is forever.

The future ain't what it used to be.

The reason people get lost in thought is because it is, to many, rather unfamiliar territory.

If you're so special, why aren't you dead?

Drive carefully. 90% of the people in the world are caused by accidents.

Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy ANYTHING.

No man is an island, but then no man is a potato salad, either.

What's blue and square? An orange in disguise...

How do you make a cat go moo? Ask it "Does a dog have the Buddha-nature?"

I hate people who think it's clever to take drugs -- like customs officials.

The more it stays the same, the less it changes.

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